In my previous blog I gave MY OPINION on the topic why successful black women can't find a man. The direction I attempted was in favor of men who get the short end of this stick with all the finger pointing and slander towards the men; and hardly ever towards women. And to encourage women to maybe think about a compromise, NOT to settle but to compromise, because their standards just may be a little OFF to begin with.
Case in Point...
Chilli from TLC has a new "reality" show called "What Chilli Wants". The basis is of the show is to try to find her a man, (whatever Chilli). Yes I am sure it is dramatized for ratings and all that, but some of this is real and if it is not real for her, it is for some people out there.
Check out the trailer from her show, if you haven't seen it already, and then tell ME I"M crazy. You can really stop watching after 45 seconds.....I did.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Where O Where did the Good Man Go....Where O Where Can He Be
Friday night Jacque Reid participated in a Nightline taping "Why Can't a Successful Black Woman Find a Man?"which is scheduled to air April 21st. I am guessing it is a follow up to the one that aired a few months ago, I'm not sure. Check it out ....
Last I checked many unsuccessful black women are having a hard time too but I will tackle one subject at a time. Because for one thing, everyone has his or her own opinion of success is anyway. Which is another subject we'll discuss later as well. There are just too many ways to go with this. But I will start with my basics.
Where are you looking Successful Black Woman? And what are you looking for? Please do not give the carbon copy answer....A man of God, smart, funny, sensitive (are you kidding?) tall, handsome blah blah blah.
Riddle me this. From your list of "must haves", and I know you have one, do you hold the same attributes? And if so who says?
Let me sum this up because I know a couple of my buddies reading this have ADD...(I love you too) The bottom line to me is there are many men out there, many good and available men out there. I think for once we should start at the roots.
Here is a quick list of where some of the problems are with this whole situation.
1. Not knowing what you want in the first place
2. Judging based on YOUR success
3. Have unreasonable standards emphasis on unreasonable
4. Not knowing what you want in the first place....you know I like repeating myself. Don't trip.
5. Being wrongfully influenced by society and others, usually people who aren't in a relationship and haven't been in a while.
How does the saying go 'show me a good man and I will show you a woman who doesn't see him'.
Last I checked many unsuccessful black women are having a hard time too but I will tackle one subject at a time. Because for one thing, everyone has his or her own opinion of success is anyway. Which is another subject we'll discuss later as well. There are just too many ways to go with this. But I will start with my basics.
Where are you looking Successful Black Woman? And what are you looking for? Please do not give the carbon copy answer....A man of God, smart, funny, sensitive (are you kidding?) tall, handsome blah blah blah.
Riddle me this. From your list of "must haves", and I know you have one, do you hold the same attributes? And if so who says?
Let me sum this up because I know a couple of my buddies reading this have ADD...(I love you too) The bottom line to me is there are many men out there, many good and available men out there. I think for once we should start at the roots.
Here is a quick list of where some of the problems are with this whole situation.
1. Not knowing what you want in the first place
2. Judging based on YOUR success
3. Have unreasonable standards emphasis on unreasonable
4. Not knowing what you want in the first place....you know I like repeating myself. Don't trip.
5. Being wrongfully influenced by society and others, usually people who aren't in a relationship and haven't been in a while.
How does the saying go 'show me a good man and I will show you a woman who doesn't see him'.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
WHENsday
When are black folks going to stop spending so much money on their hair, cars and outfits for the "homecoming classics" and start investing some of that money back into the schools? "Yes, half time IS game time but the band needs new uniforms! And no I did not see you there. I was to busy looking at mysellllllf. "lol
When will the horror of reality tv end?!
When was it decided that putting cheese on fish was a good idea? "Hold the cheese please, extra sauce and would toasting the bun be too much to ask?" ok sorry.
When are we going to start filming our kids reciting poetry, reading books or just saying darn ABCs instead of doing the stanky leg? "wait baby girl just broke it all the way down, hold that thought."
When are cheaters going to start watching the show and learn how NOT to get caught. Study your craft people. Again knowledge is power. Pimping aint easy.
When are they going to stop showing reality tv shows? I know I asked this already but I rephrased it like men do so you have to come up with a different answer.
When is Monique going to stop trying to fly away? We see you Boo. Stop yelling and waving at us.
When are they going to have a "Maury Povich I'm not the baby daddy dance contest?"
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Time to put away childish things
1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
When I was a child - When you were a child you had people who treated you as such. You had a curfew. You were told what to do and when to do it. You had to leave the room when the adults were talking. Now as an adult if you have people in your life still treating you this way and you are not in jail; then it is time to put them away.
I spoke as a child - If your vocabulary has not increased since the third grade; then GO PICK UP A BOOK. Oh yeah, read it. Repeat the process. Try a different book this time though.
I understood as a child - as a child you should only be exposed to so much. Some of us more than others but at the same rate they still understand things as children do. As a child you may not understand certain unfavorable family situations, or whatever the case may be, too many to list, and who wants to revisit anyway. But litsen if you are repeating the cycle then doesn't that mean you still have mentality of the child who thinks it's ok?
I thought as a child - Children generally do not think too hard about anything. Why would they? It doesn't take too much concentration to figure out which cereal you are going to eat today. But as an adult if that is the hardest decision you have to make today then........
Because most of the children in my life are smarter than many of the adults in my life, I was prompted to write this blog. I know an 8 year who is following the debates on health care reform and a 6 year old trying to create her own beauty products to sell. They are already ready to put away their childish things.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
When I was a child - When you were a child you had people who treated you as such. You had a curfew. You were told what to do and when to do it. You had to leave the room when the adults were talking. Now as an adult if you have people in your life still treating you this way and you are not in jail; then it is time to put them away.
I spoke as a child - If your vocabulary has not increased since the third grade; then GO PICK UP A BOOK. Oh yeah, read it. Repeat the process. Try a different book this time though.
I understood as a child - as a child you should only be exposed to so much. Some of us more than others but at the same rate they still understand things as children do. As a child you may not understand certain unfavorable family situations, or whatever the case may be, too many to list, and who wants to revisit anyway. But litsen if you are repeating the cycle then doesn't that mean you still have mentality of the child who thinks it's ok?
I thought as a child - Children generally do not think too hard about anything. Why would they? It doesn't take too much concentration to figure out which cereal you are going to eat today. But as an adult if that is the hardest decision you have to make today then........
Because most of the children in my life are smarter than many of the adults in my life, I was prompted to write this blog. I know an 8 year who is following the debates on health care reform and a 6 year old trying to create her own beauty products to sell. They are already ready to put away their childish things.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I know you are but what am I?
Recently I asked a few friends "If someone does you dirty and you allow them to do it to you a second time, does that make you a dumbass or the other person an asshole?"
Majority ruled (those of you that answered), 'the other person is an asshole'. One respondant even flew off on a 20 minute tangent. I struck a nerve for sure. I am guessing those who did not respond probably thought I was talking about you. Shame. You're so vain, I'll bet you still think this blog is about you. Don't you?! Anyway here are my two cents.
The other person is not an asshole, you're a dumbass. People show you who they are and just because you don't believe them it is not their fault. Yeah yeah folks deserve a second chance blah blah blah. But people don't change they just get better at who/what they are.
Check it - Some people believe in the three strikes rule. Ok I can get with that. But how many licks does it take for YOU to get to the center of your dumbass self? I'm just sayin...
Majority ruled (those of you that answered), 'the other person is an asshole'. One respondant even flew off on a 20 minute tangent. I struck a nerve for sure. I am guessing those who did not respond probably thought I was talking about you. Shame. You're so vain, I'll bet you still think this blog is about you. Don't you?! Anyway here are my two cents.
The other person is not an asshole, you're a dumbass. People show you who they are and just because you don't believe them it is not their fault. Yeah yeah folks deserve a second chance blah blah blah. But people don't change they just get better at who/what they are.
Check it - Some people believe in the three strikes rule. Ok I can get with that. But how many licks does it take for YOU to get to the center of your dumbass self? I'm just sayin...
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Do you have an STD?
Seriously, you should have yourself, your friends, family and other loved ones tested as soon as possible. This is not something you really want to experience or find out through trial and error. People are dying and hurting themselves and others because they are not getting tested. The results of people who test positive are staggering and almost impossible to believe. So if you do not know where to get one, create your own Standardized Test for Dumbasses.
It is time we take charge of our lives and stop these people from coming in contact with us. Prevention is key. I know you read the article or saw on the news about Desmond Hatchett, the dude with 11 baby mamas and 21 kids; child support under $2 a month. There should have been a testing site setup for all 12 of these fools.
OK well what about the lady who previously went to the doctor for her botox injections and minor plastic surgery; average $1000 a pop. She decided to save a little money because like I mentioned she "saw the doctor do it"; so she bought silicone online for $10, injected her face and lips then wondered why everything went wrong the next day. Yes honey, she injected lubricant not medical grade silicone. I'm not making this up. I promise.
I could go on all day. There is a sense of urgency my friends. These people drive your kids to school, they gonvern us ("she's my soul mate"), you work for them, your children will marry their children. We must stop the madness!
So please create an STD for your lifestyle to prevent people who past the age of 12 will staple themselves to find out if the staple will go thru from entering your life. Be smart. Be safe. Start testing. One more thing....don't mess around and fail your own damn test.
It is time we take charge of our lives and stop these people from coming in contact with us. Prevention is key. I know you read the article or saw on the news about Desmond Hatchett, the dude with 11 baby mamas and 21 kids; child support under $2 a month. There should have been a testing site setup for all 12 of these fools.
OK well what about the lady who previously went to the doctor for her botox injections and minor plastic surgery; average $1000 a pop. She decided to save a little money because like I mentioned she "saw the doctor do it"; so she bought silicone online for $10, injected her face and lips then wondered why everything went wrong the next day. Yes honey, she injected lubricant not medical grade silicone. I'm not making this up. I promise.
I could go on all day. There is a sense of urgency my friends. These people drive your kids to school, they gonvern us ("she's my soul mate"), you work for them, your children will marry their children. We must stop the madness!
So please create an STD for your lifestyle to prevent people who past the age of 12 will staple themselves to find out if the staple will go thru from entering your life. Be smart. Be safe. Start testing. One more thing....don't mess around and fail your own damn test.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
How to Train a Dog
Are men truly dogs? Do you really need to train your man as you would your dog or pet? My good friend Dee swares by this. She always gives advice on how better to respond to or create a situation with your mate. She says this is how you get what you want without confrontation. And it always stems from basic dog training - The key to proper training is positive reinforcement using treats and unlimited praise. Be patient and avoid harsh punishment, and you and your dog will both benefit.
Step 1 Enroll your dog in a basic obedience class to learn the 'Heel,' 'Sit' and 'Stay' commands.
Translation: Engage in a relationship.
Step 1 Enroll your dog in a basic obedience class to learn the 'Heel,' 'Sit' and 'Stay' commands.
Translation: Engage in a relationship.
Step 2 When your dog is learning a command, say 'Good' the instant she exhibits proper behavior, and then follow up quickly with a reward of treats and more praise.
Translation: Say stuff like "you're the bomb" and follow up with a kiss.
Step3 Begin increasing your expectations very slowly. For example, lengthen by a few seconds the time your dog must sit before you shower praise.
Translation: WHAT?!! Stop the music....I can't do this..
Men are not dogs, this is a load of crap. Are you saying my expectations are already too high because I expect you to already know how to hold decent conversations, dress accordingly, perform everyday adult tasks without being told when where why and how? Dont men expect the same from women?
This blog was initially two pages long. I had to cut out my passion for this topic and kiss (keep it simple shorty) it. Sure, you teach people how to treat you but you do not train, teach or change a man. And ummmm if I am wrong and you know how to do this can you tell me? I have tried the rules listed above and they didn't work for me ROFL.
Sit Boo Boo Sit! Good dog.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Phase Out
In a recent conversation with girlfriends I learned of a term being used to end a relationship. "Phased Out". Being a part of the project management/IT world, to me, this phrase does not apply to people. "How does one get phased out? Break it down for me?"
I know YOU already know what this means so just work with me. I was told first you start by not calling or texting. Then when you get called or texted you keep your conversations brief and text short one liners. Eventually the person catches the hint and will stop communicating all together. I'm not good at catching hints; obviously.
Harsh. Why not just tell the person how you really feel? "This aint working." See easy. Oh my way is harsh? Hmmph Phasing is harsh and too time consuming. There's no closure. The other person will just lay low for a while then start leaving notes on your car about how they saw you out last night or how they are going to kill your baby sister and put her in the mailbox. Oh my bad, I digressed again (bad habit) that only happened to me. But it could happen to you too lol.
All right since I'm talking about being honest here let me confess. I think I am upset because I am reflecting on when I freaking got phased out. Man you coulda just told me...dang.
Talk to me; phase out or straight up. Which way is best?
I know YOU already know what this means so just work with me. I was told first you start by not calling or texting. Then when you get called or texted you keep your conversations brief and text short one liners. Eventually the person catches the hint and will stop communicating all together. I'm not good at catching hints; obviously.
Harsh. Why not just tell the person how you really feel? "This aint working." See easy. Oh my way is harsh? Hmmph Phasing is harsh and too time consuming. There's no closure. The other person will just lay low for a while then start leaving notes on your car about how they saw you out last night or how they are going to kill your baby sister and put her in the mailbox. Oh my bad, I digressed again (bad habit) that only happened to me. But it could happen to you too lol.
All right since I'm talking about being honest here let me confess. I think I am upset because I am reflecting on when I freaking got phased out. Man you coulda just told me...dang.
Talk to me; phase out or straight up. Which way is best?
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Guess where I went last night.....
My husband and son kept pressuring me to go and visit and old friend whom I had not seen a long time. I called this friend to setup a time to meet and found out she had relocated to an area I heard of but had never been. I really needed to see her so I ventured onto unto new territory.
When I arrived I went into an immediate panic because the people around me looked quite rough. So did I, but my rough is ‘a week over due for a relaxer and too lazy to put on make up’ rough. They looked like ‘I just beat up my girlfriend’s husband’ rough. And I’m talking about the females. Let me continue.
As soon as I get out of the car I feel a vibration under my feet all the way up my back. Thumping vibrations that make me think some is throwing large rocks. So I pick up my speed and head to the door because now I hear volatile screams about bitches and money. I dare not turn around in fear someone is talking to and or about me. I rush inside to see my friend.
We greeted each other with a big hug. I sat down and we start to talk. I thought the conversation was going well unit she took this small object and started stabbing me in my head. Shocked from her quick movements I am paralyzed and speechless. I manage to squeal a little and my friend (so I thought) apologized and went to the cabinet and mixed up some cream to ease my pain.
Did I mention my friend is an older woman? You know older people will go off in a snap. You must be careful and respectful at the same time; very tricky. She has done this to me before. I knew she would eventually calm down so I let her put the cream on my head.
FIRE! They tell you to scream fire when you are being attacked instead of help. People will be more prone to help. Probably to make sure their stuff is ok (digressing again sorry). FIRE! What the hell did she just put on my head?! Forget fire can someone help me? “Oh I’m sorry baby; let me get that off your head”.
I would have run out but her niece (one of the beat down girls) came to assist. She held me down while her aunt turned on what felt like a fire hose to rinse the ‘salve’ out of my head. You know old people call everything salve.
The fire is out but my old lady friend has the shakes and now I am soaked. “Oh no! Brang her ova here so I can dry her off”. Tiny ‘the Bone Crusher’ grabs my arm and holds me down near her aunt so she can dry me off. I don’t resist because for one I’m scared. And two I can’t leave now I’m wet and I am sure I will need to pick of pieces of my hair and scalp off the floor for evidence when I go to the police.
I sit there while she dries me off for what feels like hours. My hair is dry but I now have third degree burns on my ears and the back of my neck. Ms. Ella sees the tears in my eyes and offers me comfort. She tells me she’ll make me pretty again and that everything will be all right. I believed her until she pulled out these medal rods and put them under fire.
“Is this really necessary?” I think to myself. Do I really want to sit here and let shaky hands put hot medal rods to my head? Just when I get up to leave, run actually, then hide, Tiny stomps over and tells her aunt to sit down, she will take care of me. I don’t even blink, five minutes later done. I am free to go. Grab my stuff and I’m out of here. Now I remember why I do not come to see Ms. Ella as often as she’d like.
Finally at a stop light I am able to reposition myself and get comfortable. I rose up to adjust myself in the seat when I see someone with big hair in my backseat! Surprisingly I do not scream but do a double take in the rear mirror wear I first saw the creature. WTF?!
Is this really happening to me? Am I driving home with my hair shellacked on both sides of my head with rooster spiked curls on the top? Does Tiny think this is cute or did I just get punked?
No I wasn’t being punked. Tiny sent me home with her masterpiece 3 in 1 hairdo. Including freshly wrapped bangs, frozen bumper curls on the side, and freeze dried surfer waves on the top. I know this is Florida but DAMN!
Needless to say I will be staying home from now on, minding my business as I study to become a “kitchen tician”.
When I arrived I went into an immediate panic because the people around me looked quite rough. So did I, but my rough is ‘a week over due for a relaxer and too lazy to put on make up’ rough. They looked like ‘I just beat up my girlfriend’s husband’ rough. And I’m talking about the females. Let me continue.
As soon as I get out of the car I feel a vibration under my feet all the way up my back. Thumping vibrations that make me think some is throwing large rocks. So I pick up my speed and head to the door because now I hear volatile screams about bitches and money. I dare not turn around in fear someone is talking to and or about me. I rush inside to see my friend.
We greeted each other with a big hug. I sat down and we start to talk. I thought the conversation was going well unit she took this small object and started stabbing me in my head. Shocked from her quick movements I am paralyzed and speechless. I manage to squeal a little and my friend (so I thought) apologized and went to the cabinet and mixed up some cream to ease my pain.
Did I mention my friend is an older woman? You know older people will go off in a snap. You must be careful and respectful at the same time; very tricky. She has done this to me before. I knew she would eventually calm down so I let her put the cream on my head.
FIRE! They tell you to scream fire when you are being attacked instead of help. People will be more prone to help. Probably to make sure their stuff is ok (digressing again sorry). FIRE! What the hell did she just put on my head?! Forget fire can someone help me? “Oh I’m sorry baby; let me get that off your head”.
I would have run out but her niece (one of the beat down girls) came to assist. She held me down while her aunt turned on what felt like a fire hose to rinse the ‘salve’ out of my head. You know old people call everything salve.
The fire is out but my old lady friend has the shakes and now I am soaked. “Oh no! Brang her ova here so I can dry her off”. Tiny ‘the Bone Crusher’ grabs my arm and holds me down near her aunt so she can dry me off. I don’t resist because for one I’m scared. And two I can’t leave now I’m wet and I am sure I will need to pick of pieces of my hair and scalp off the floor for evidence when I go to the police.
I sit there while she dries me off for what feels like hours. My hair is dry but I now have third degree burns on my ears and the back of my neck. Ms. Ella sees the tears in my eyes and offers me comfort. She tells me she’ll make me pretty again and that everything will be all right. I believed her until she pulled out these medal rods and put them under fire.
“Is this really necessary?” I think to myself. Do I really want to sit here and let shaky hands put hot medal rods to my head? Just when I get up to leave, run actually, then hide, Tiny stomps over and tells her aunt to sit down, she will take care of me. I don’t even blink, five minutes later done. I am free to go. Grab my stuff and I’m out of here. Now I remember why I do not come to see Ms. Ella as often as she’d like.
Finally at a stop light I am able to reposition myself and get comfortable. I rose up to adjust myself in the seat when I see someone with big hair in my backseat! Surprisingly I do not scream but do a double take in the rear mirror wear I first saw the creature. WTF?!
Is this really happening to me? Am I driving home with my hair shellacked on both sides of my head with rooster spiked curls on the top? Does Tiny think this is cute or did I just get punked?
No I wasn’t being punked. Tiny sent me home with her masterpiece 3 in 1 hairdo. Including freshly wrapped bangs, frozen bumper curls on the side, and freeze dried surfer waves on the top. I know this is Florida but DAMN!
Needless to say I will be staying home from now on, minding my business as I study to become a “kitchen tician”.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Blue Collar Thugalicious Entrepreneur Killer
“You’ve got to have a J*O*B to get with me”… “I want a roughneck, gotta have a roughneck” two very commonly used phrases by women. Some even being so bold as to sing the phrases aloud, raising the praises of their friends and other females within earshot. “I heard that”, “I know that’s right chile!”
But when Keisha tells Amanda “well he has to have a career with benefits, a six figure salary, a 401k and drive a foreign car”. The music stops, plates are dropped and instead of praises we hear grunts and moans of wounded cows.
WHY?! Why can’t she want a man with a purpose, direction and means? Why is it ok to like, want, and need a thug, but not ok to desire that Mandingo who has conquered the world taken no prisoners and set up a palace for his beautiful Queen Bee? Ok I just drifted into my own fantasy but you get what I’m saying. Don’t you?
Seriously if someone could explain to me why many times settling, lowering standards and just not giving a damn equates to “keeping it real”. Honestly being true to yourself and knowing what you want is “keeping it real”. Don’t just go with the flow of your peers in order to dodge evil stares and harsh words like snob, stuck up, high maintenance, or gold digger.
Personally I like them all so it really makes no difference to me. Well I guess I can truly say that because I am married now. But ladies feel free to like who you like. As long as he is not thugging upside your head, stealing from your bank account, starting illegal businesses and scams, is making his money legitimately and taking care of his kids (all of them) (awl man I did not have to say that) then I wish you much love and happiness regardless of who you like.
While we are on the subject of love, “what do the lonely do at Christmas; what do they do? I will ponder for a bit and get back to you on that.
But when Keisha tells Amanda “well he has to have a career with benefits, a six figure salary, a 401k and drive a foreign car”. The music stops, plates are dropped and instead of praises we hear grunts and moans of wounded cows.
WHY?! Why can’t she want a man with a purpose, direction and means? Why is it ok to like, want, and need a thug, but not ok to desire that Mandingo who has conquered the world taken no prisoners and set up a palace for his beautiful Queen Bee? Ok I just drifted into my own fantasy but you get what I’m saying. Don’t you?
Seriously if someone could explain to me why many times settling, lowering standards and just not giving a damn equates to “keeping it real”. Honestly being true to yourself and knowing what you want is “keeping it real”. Don’t just go with the flow of your peers in order to dodge evil stares and harsh words like snob, stuck up, high maintenance, or gold digger.
Personally I like them all so it really makes no difference to me. Well I guess I can truly say that because I am married now. But ladies feel free to like who you like. As long as he is not thugging upside your head, stealing from your bank account, starting illegal businesses and scams, is making his money legitimately and taking care of his kids (all of them) (awl man I did not have to say that) then I wish you much love and happiness regardless of who you like.
While we are on the subject of love, “what do the lonely do at Christmas; what do they do? I will ponder for a bit and get back to you on that.
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